Papers in the attic

We were exploring a house. In the lead was an older woman and several of us were following. She led the way upstairs and then up a further, smaller flight to what appeared to be an attic storage area. Everything was very neatly organised in rows of open boxes. In the boxes were piles of papers,books and journals, To get on further we had to clamber over the boxes. The woman in the lead did this easily but those of us following tended to slip awkwardly on the stacks of papers, picking our way slowly and carefully. I was concentrating on each step and couldn't see where she was leading us but I thought I might have caught a glimpse of further stairs.

Planes

I'm in the passenger cabin of a plane operating a lever to control the speed. Someone is sitting to the left and slightly behind me telling me how to use it. I try pulling the lever to slow the speed as he says but feel no change. Then I pull harder and find it does seem to slow us down. I ask him if its ok to keep doing this, worried that I might do something dangerous. He replies with a vague "Hm?" which worries me more. Then I see through the window another plane so close I can see the paintwork and the rivets in the fuselage. I can hear the sound of it's engines, a steady roar. It's far too close and I brace myself, knowing we're going to crash, but the crash doesn't come.

Honest male companion

Travelling with a male companion. He comments that he will have lots of sexual opportunity where we are going, looking rather pleased with himself. I don't say anything but realise I must have shown disapproval or disgust as he looks offended and upset. He says that he was only being honest. I suggest that perhaps it would be better if he went on alone. He doesn't say anything but seems to be waiting for me to decide.

Baggage

It was evening and I had plans to catch a flight the next day. I felt unprepared and, looking around, realised I'd got my main baggage but had left my hand-baggage in my flat. I told the woman I was with and she arranged for us to go and get it. When I arrived I found several of his* shirts scattered around and was annoyed that I'd have to fold them and find room to pack them as well.


*I just thought of them as 'his', without thinking of any specific identity.

Nurse

A nurse is following me. She has given me some kind of transfusion but I've become impatient and walked away from it. She seems unhappy with me, as if I'm not taking it seriously enough. I know that I might weaken without it but I don't think that really matters very much. She finds a way to attach a small device to my arm so that it can continue to work while I walk around.

Sea

There's a dream I came here to look for that I can't find. I'm sure it happened within the timescale of this journal but it's not here. So either I'm mistaken about when I had it or, for some reason, I never actually wrote about it. Which is odd because it is very clear and also unusually pleasant. I'll write it now but I have no idea where it should appear chronologically.

I'm swimming in the sea with much more confidence than I would in reality. I feel in my element, able to move easily and gracefully. I spend some time twisting and turning slowly on the surface, floating for a while on my back before each rotation. I like the alternation of air and water on my skin, enjoying the contrast of warmth and coolness. I'm aware of the power of the sea but also the support and sense of buoyancy it gives. I want to delay the time when I have to return to dry land.

The game

We're playing a game of some kind and I'm unsure of the implications if I make a certain move. I ask my opponent to explain the rules again and he does but in a quick, impatient way that I can't follow. I suspect that he knows how hard I find this kind of thing and I get angry. I can't see any future for us. Then something odd happens. I'm suddenly aware of a much deeper connection that we have that makes our difficulties in communicating seem unimportant. We don't speak about it but both acknowledge it. There's a feeling of great relief.

A while later we are on a wide balcony with a long uninterrupted view. The windows of the other rooms in the building suggest they are much smaller and more restricted than ours.

House 2

I'm beginning to realise I may have made a mistake in buying a house. One of the upper rooms has polystyrene ceiling tiles that have been painted over in a dark shade of blue. I know they'll have to be removed. It will be a messy unpleasant job. I try to convince myself that at least the structure is sound. Then I go into a room and see that  part of the side wall is missing. Through the gap I can see that the house next door is an empty shell.

House 1

I've bought a large house and am worried that I won't be able to keep it secure. It has so many windows and doors. Some girls are running from room to room playfully. They want me to join them but I don't feel playful. I pull a curtain back just a little and look out. There's a large open grassy area outside and some houses on the far side. The houses look poorly built and cramped close together. I'm not sure which is the front door to the house. I want to find it and check the locks.

Taxi!

I need to get to the airport so I hop on a plane that's taxiing that way down the road. I don't have a seat reserved but most people are milling about in the aisle so I sit down in order to be out of the way.

Departures

At an airport. A huge building. Lots of light. Very few signs.

Birth and death

I woke up from the dream with the sense of having to keep very still. Too much movement would have dire, possibly fatal, consequences. Giving birth, for example, would certainly be too much movement, but I wasn't sure quite how much would be safe and so I was keeping as still as possible.